It's a Sunday

It's a Sunday and I was reasonably happy today.  I had relatives com in and clean my home.  All four legged children were safe and accounted for.  I got to work on my latest cross stitch.  I can almost see the finish line.  The only thing I did not do was get a good meal.  I had planned to eat some leftover chili.  My care provider had made a Crock pot full with my recipe.  This is basically ground turkey, kidney beans, tomato sauce, a pinch of chili powder, and 1 package of taco seasoning mild.  If you brown the turkey first it looks better but you don't have to.  I also like to add a bit of cheddar cheese on top.   But that is up to the individual.  I had planned to eat some with lots of veggies on the side and then heat up the rest for my dinner.

My relatives left around 2:30 or 3 pm.  I was really starting to get hungry.  I looked for the chili and could not find it.  I looked for a few more minutes then finally asked my roommates If they ate the chili.  They said they had.  My nice almost homemade chili was gone and there went my dreams of going to bed with a full stomach.  I can't really blame them.  We often share.  Anything made in the Crock pot is too much for 1 person anyway.  But I was looking forward to the chili.  I had no money to get a burger or sandwich.  It was either go without eating, write a small check at the grocery store, or get a little bit of food on my left over food stamp card.  I decided to go to my local dollar store and use my food stamp card. 

My favorite dollar store is in a strip mall reasonably close to my home.  It holds a couple of restaurants, my favorite bagel place, and an ice cream parlor.  I went into the dollar store and I picked up a can of spaghettios.  and some Vienna sausage a coke and some chips.  Not the healthiest things to get but cheap and I had to stay on the cheap side of things.  It all totaled about $4.65 I left and was thinking spaghettio's were a far cry from almost homemade chili.  I looked up and saw a relative I had not seen in about 3 years.  She looked good.  She recently left her husband and was in the middle of changing her life.  She was working hard but looked happy.

Some people love to find fault with each other.  I think this goes on in my family.  We get so busy talking about what's bad with people, we forget to see good.  No one liked the way this person just sort of dropped out.  Some of the things that happened did not seem fair.  I honestly feel she wanted to change her life.  I don't think she cared what anyone had to say about it either.  I certainly can understand that.  I wish her luck it was good to see her and know she was OK.  Love your families.  And take care

Long Long days.

I had a long day today.  I spent most of it in an online instruction for this NTI stuff.  They have a basic assessment test you have to pass before you can go and be invited to work on jobs.  I did not pass all of these tests.  I failed the typing test.  There is supposed to be some classes you can take to get better.  In 30 days I can try again.  I am not sure how this is going to work but they are supposed to have tutorials so that you can work on these skills.  The problem is in order to improve typing you have to type.  I am fine in a blog setting like this or if I am writing a paper but I have never been able to pass an actual typing test.  I have what is known as test anxiety too.  That means when I am taking a test I can get so nervous that It affects the way I perform on the test.  Because I have a disability, when someone is testing me on physical things, my nerves start acting up and I get so upset that the connections between my brain and muscles go haywire.  This is very typical of  my disability.  I believe the same thing happens to me in math. 

I am disappointed that I did not pass.  But now that I know how this goes,  I will do much better when I try again.  Short blog today.  My eyes are tired.  Take care.

What I know about Autism

I watched a documentary last night called Portraits of Emotion. This documentary was the story of Johnathan Lerman.  An artist who happens to have autism.  Autism is a disorder.  The symptoms of this disorder can vary for each individual.  Typically people with autism don't show emotion.  They are often described as not having empathy for others.  Since I am a very emotional person, so emotional in fact I have to write a blog and see a therapist to help contain them, I have a difficult time understanding the lack of emotion that comes with Autism.  This documentary helped me understand this disorder just a bit better.  I knew that people with autism often have the ability to speak at a young age and eventually they may lose that ability.  But Johnathan's father describes it as Johnathan being on one side of the Great Wall of China with society being on the other.  The neurons in Johnathan's brain can't make connections.  He struggles with speech and what is an appropriate behavior for situations.  NOW I GET IT!  At least I get it for this guy. 

Besides the wall, Johnathan is sensitive to noise.  The best way I understand it is to say that while he is trying to get over or dig under that great wall he can hear everything that goes on and it distracts him.  Johnathan expresses himself by drawing pictures.  These pictures are also a way for him to show what his perceptions and feelings are.  An example that was given in the video was a picture Johnathan drew around the time of his Bar Mitzvah that he described as "The Jewish Show".   

This brought home something for me.  I have worked with a lot of people who could not communicate in traditional ways.  Some people used letter boards   Some people used music.  But everyone I worked with "EVERYONE" who did not communicate traditionally was described as having negative behaviors.  Well we all have negative behaviors from time to time.  We need to try and find some way to help everyone find some way to communicate with each other.  It's the only way to deal with whatever is inside us. Another thing got to me.  While I was doing basic research on autism for this blog, I discovered an article that asked "Do people with autism have feelings? " I found this insulting of course they have them I thought.  Every person has them.  This article said the same thing.  But the article also said that we should not get too frustrated with those who have autism.  They need to be taught to recognize the cues for feelings.  You know what people with autism shouldn't get too frustrated with us while we try to figure out how to relate to them either.  Every individual struggles to get along in the world.  Some just struggle more than others.  We struggle in different ways too.  We all have to learn to deal with each other.  For more info on autism www.autismspeaks.org  Take Care

Phone

I spent most of my day on the phone today.  I found out more information on this National Telecommute Institute.  It is listed as a non profit organization that hires people who are disabled.  It also hires people who are bilingual.  This company is legit.  It does have a few interesting complaints against it.  Basically this company hires people and farms them out to other companies as customer service agents and help desk people.  It is kind of like a call center in your own home.  The company gets contracts from other companies to provide calling services and the call gets routed to your phone.  You work 20 hours a week or more.  You get paid about minimum wage.  They get a contract.  Some of the complaints were that they weren't real supportive.  There was little to no human resources department and sometimes you had to wait for jobs to come to you.  Other people have said they have had no problems.  It is an outsourcing type of operation.  But it's not rocket science and if it will bring in money I can deal with it for a while.

On a different note.  I thought I had all kinds of paperwork turned in and yet there is still more.  I hated doing paperwork when I was working.  I was much more the talking kinda person.  The face to face stuff was my thing.  I hate paperwork even more now.  I swear I must have sent 50 people my budget.  It has to be a matter of record with about 5 or 6 other agencies now.  Such is the life of a person on disability.  Nothing private is private not really.  Anyway take care and keep reading me.  I love to know you are out there.

For Info on NTI click here NTI

Busy Busy day

Whenever I think the paperwork is done it's not.  Whenever I think I can breathe a bit, I can't.  Today has been a busy day.  I got up and spoke to a woman about a work at home job.  In this job, I would be accepting in bound calls for customer service.  I know I can do this job.  What bothers me is that you need what is called a "Ticket to work" This is a program by the Social Security Administration.  What it does is gives people the ability to be paid for helping people find work.  My job developer sent me to a work at home site called NTI.  This company hires people with disabilities to be customer service operators.  It seems they get the tax break and I get a job.  But there are a few red flags here.  With DORS and the job developer I want to make sure that these funds have not been issued to someone else.  I am also not sure what this means as far as a salary.  If this is like a sheltered work shop type thing I could be getting next to nothing when I really do need money.  I have not sent the paperwork in until I have more answers.  I must attend this class on Thursday  We will see what the steps are after this.  If anyone knows anything about NTI let me know.

I have also gotten a call from an office.  They saw my resume on Monster.com.  They want to interview me.  Wish me luck.  I won't be able to schedule the interview until next week so I hope this means things are looking up. 

Anyway my power is out here due to a storm.  So I am going to sign off  For more info on Ticket to Work see Ticket.  Take care

More Information

I have done all I could and turned in all the paperwork needed to get this new housing program.  I must admit though everyone was helpful, I am not expecting much.  The last thing for me to do is to go to court and write my government again,  In the meantime I just have to wait and see.  I hate to wait and see I like my answers NOW.  In case you have not guessed I don't take no very easily.  Before I put up with a NO I want to make sure nothing is left for me to do.   

My blog so far has not made me any money.  It's really OK I realize no one has any. The blog is really therapeutic.  I will keep up with it for as long as I can.  My focus has to be making some kind of money.  I talked to a store owner recently who might be interested in me doing a few menus for him.  It won't be much money but it will be something.  I did my budget and I don't need much to break even just something regular.  But that seems so hard for me to find.  I just keep thinking with everything I can do I just haven't turned over the right rock.  I need to look in somewhere I haven't looked before.  I need to do something different but what?

I did talk to a lady that sells Avon.  I don't expect to make a lot of money but in August I plan to sign up as an Avon Rep.  I hope that brings in enough to pay for a bill so other monies can go to other stuff.  We will see.  Pass this Blog along.  I will do fliers, menus, business cards, I will teach cross stitch if you want to learn.  Heck I will even sing If it will help.  Anyway my prayers go out.  Hope God is not saying no.  You can't work around him.  Take care

This is my sunday

This is my Sunday to rest.   I did not rest this time.  I filled out still more paperwork.  Paperwork for jobs I know I won't get.  I try and try to be optimistic but it is getting harder and harder.  Every turn down letter takes a little bit more out of me.  What do I have to do I wonder to start an advocacy group for the unemployed and desperate?  Maybe I will do what the Arc founder did not too long ago.  Put an add in the paper and see how many people respond to it. The story with the Arc is that a lady started it out of her house.  She had a child with a disability and became overwhelmed by her situation.  She thought others may have the same types of issues.  So she put an add in the paper and started meeting  with different families. 

We can make our own adds.  Intelligent people with different skills available for yard work public speaking and any other creative thing I might be able to come up with.      It would have to be something that helps people in some way.  Not just a complaint fest.  The idea is people helping people to get back on their own two feet.  I will think more on this. 

One thing did make me laugh today.  This guy.  I did not see my four legged children for a few hours so I thought I would check on them.  Fat Boy was laying in the driveway, on his back, with his eyes closed.  He had such an expression of happiness and contentment on his face that I had to laugh at him.  He has a full belly and people who love him.  I hope I don't have to give him or his momma or Pepper up.  This worries me every day.  I have always known I do not fit in the boxes people have set up for me.  I sure hope I find where I do fit soon.  It is scary knowing that if things don't change, life as you know it will be over.  I have to get out of my chair now.  Pray for me.  and take care.

Follow up to I am still here

I have been spending most of my days filling out paperwork for jobs or one service or another.  Mortgage help has tons of paperwork with it.  Food stamps and energy assistance are other programs that need paperwork.  Then there are the job applications, the constant looking for anything I might be able to do.  I have come to the conclusion that no one will hire me.  Most people just can't see through whatever barriers or judgements they think of when they see me.

The real problem is I don't have enough money to survive.  Food stamps will help me eat.  Energy assistance (if I get it) will pay part of my bills.  I must pay something.  Then there is heat.  I hate winter.  It's cold. Muscles hurt in cold.  My heating bill should be around $1200.00 for 6 months.  Energy assistance will pay some but the last time I applied I still had to pay 4 months of it.   I don't want to  seem ungrateful,   Any help I get is appreciated beyond what I can express. But I am really scared.  I have tried every idea I have and nothing is working.   I am at my wits end and have decided to keep trying whatever I can on my own to get a job.  This may include selling Avon.  I have a friend that does this.  I hope I won't be stepping on her toes.  We really don't have the same friends so I don't think it will matter. 

Selling has never been a strong skill of mine.  I have bought Avon on and off through the years so maybe I can sell some.  What else is there to do?

Here are a list of skills I have.

• I can teach
• I can speak in public
• I am comfortable with computers
• I am good at making fliers and business cards
• I love talking to people
• I have some sign language skills
• I love providing information.
• I have a good eye for creating presentations fliers and business cards  

That's a lot of skills.  Yet no job.  frustrating.  Scary Need thoughts of hope.  Take care

I am still here

I know I have not posted in a while.  I have been working on getting massive amounts of paperwork together to apply for a few more things that may help with my home issue.  I am writing today because I wanted to tell everyone that there is a transit public meeting on the latest budget cuts.  Anyone and everyone has a voice in this.  If you need a ride call transit and let them know.  Here is the announcement.

NOTICE OF OPPORTUNITY FOR A PUBLIC HEARING

The Tri-County Council for the Lower Eastern Shore of Maryland, Transit Division (Shore Transit), operating community transit services in Somerset, Wicomico, and Worcester Counties is offering the opportunity for a public hearing to provide citizens a forum to present comments on proposals to reduce fiscal year 2012 Salisbury area operating budget by $200,000 as a result of a reduction in match funding by Wicomico County Council. One or more of the following proposals will be implemented:

1. Delete Route 121 (old Orange route) and add high volume stops to Route 111 (old route 2).
2. Increase fares on the routes in the Salisbury area.
3. Increase fares on all routes.
4. Change all Salisbury local fixed routes to “by appointment” scheduled the day before, to and from a bus stop.
5. Change selected Salisbury local fixed routes with lowest ridership to “by appointment” scheduled the day before, to and from a bus stop.
6. Discontinue all Saturday service in the Salisbury local area.
7. Reduce Route 121 to twice a day, prime time runs only.

A public Hearing will be held upon request. Requests for a Public Hearing must be in writing and will be received until Tuesday, July 19, 2011. Requests for a Public Hearing and/or other written comments should be sent to the following address and clearly marked “Public Hearing Comments”:

Tri-County Council

P.O. Box 99

Snow Hill, MD 21863

Written comments can also be emailed to: info@shoretransit.org

In the event it is requested, a Public Hearing will be held on:

Thursday, July 21, 2011

6:30 pm – 7:30 pm

Wicomico County Library, Meeting Room 2

122 S. Division Street

Salisbury, MD

If special assistance is required at the meeting, contact the Transit Division, Fixed Route Project Specialist at 410-749-1310, ext. 102, before July 15, 2011.

This is a chance for you to speak.