I don't feel like myself today. I am sad. I am not sure why I am sad. I have that I am a huge failure feeling today. I have not been able to cheer myself up. My care provider is here and she has been a big help but I still feel bad. I am almost 44 years old and feel like I have done nothing of consequence with my life. I think I started with the wrong advocacy group to be a true advocate. This group has as it's biggest agenda to close institutions. I quite agree that most institutions are out of date. But you have got to support individuals with disabilities by making sure the community has the appropriate services to support these individuals. This community definitely DOES NOT support individuals with disabilities well. Those that are in institutions are protected but kept away from experiences. People with disabilities within the community struggle day to day with jobs, food, and shelter. You can forget any idea of a social life. The system teaches you to beg not to do things or accomplish anything on your own. I feel like when I do try to accomplish something on my own I get held back by attitudes and misconceptions. I don't think I will ever break out the way I want to. I don't feel I will ever get a job or be able to be off of public assistance.
I do know I like working with individuals. I am sick and tired of systems. I know I would love to give out whatever information I can to anyone who wants to help themselves to a better life. I am creative. I am always thinking. My mind does not rest even when I want it to. I need supports to turn these talents into a career for me and I have no idea what to look for or ask for. I think maybe I will contact my friend at the Job Market on Monday and get his ideas on what I should be looking into. If I am doing something I don't feel as bad. Avon will only get me a little money. I need some kind of regular income and I need a career. How do I get it? If I could answer that question I would be much happier. Take Care.
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