In a bad mood today.

I'm in a mood today.  I want to do nothing.  I mean nothing.  This mood semi concerns me.  It could mean I am not feeling well.  It could mean the beginning of another major depressive episode.  It could be that my hormones are going a bit nuts and I just need to wait it out.  Either way I hated life today.I did not want to get  the four legged children together for their morning snack.  I did not really want to get out of my chair before choir; (if I don't get out sitting so long will be painful)  Then when it was time to get in the chair again I did not want to get in.  I really did not want to go to choir.  I did not want to eat.  I just did not want to do anything except watch TV and sleep.  What a day!

When I was being teased horribly by kids in school the one fun thing I did was sing.  On a good day, the same kids who laughed and made fun of my bladder issues would give me a standing ovation in the school talent show.  My choir teacher would pick the music for me but I could rock a song.  This same teacher taught you that there is no excuse for missing a rehearsal except illness or death.  She also said that death of self or immediate family was the only reason to miss a performance.  By the time I got to be a senior in high school all the stresses at home and at school turned into a pretty bad flu.  After a day or two of missing school because I honestly could not move without help, my dad finally found a doctor who took my temperature and announced I definitely needed to stay home.  I took a week off of school.  That meant I missed three choir classes (these were rehearsals).  At the end of that semester I got a B in chorus.  Dad was more mad than I was.  I was so used to her policy I understood the grade and tried to explain it to my dad.  :)  So Ms.  Wright if you are out there.  You are the reason I dragged myself to choir today.  You are the reason I call the director if I need to miss anything.  Another thing she used to do is put us in trios (groups of three)  and quartets (groups of four) all with different parts to make sure we knew our music.  People hated it.  It built my confidence.  After high school, too many not good enoughs and too many missed solos have ruined my confidence.  I would really love to get it back.  I loved feeling like a star even if I will never be one.  How do I build my confidence back?  Be your own star and take care