Things keep rolling.

It has been almost a month since my my baby boy had his injury.  It has been 10 days since his quarantine.  My boy is going strong.  He has almost finished his anti biotic.  He is eating and pooping and peeing.  He just hates being in a cage.  He cries for visitors every few hours.  At night though he begins to settle down.  I cannot believe I have to do this for 6 months.  Everything I have read says by three months if a cat isn't showing signs of rabies, he probably isn't rabid.  It can take up to 6 months in dogs.  I think the law in my state doesn't make a distinction between cats and dogs.  That means 10 days down, 5 months and 21 days to go.  I have not heard from my local health department either.  This doesn't bother me yet but it will if it goes months without a visit.

I am still without motor.  It has gone almost three months basically being stuck.  From all the info I have found out its going to be at least another month.  I am only on Medicaid right now.  My medicare doesn't start until FEB 2 2012.  The people who fix my chair won't fix it without payment.  I have to wait 40 business days to know if I am getting money to fix my chair.  In the meantime I am still pushing around in my cheap push chair.  I can't work,  I go out via transit every once in a while.  But it truly sucks.  To top everything, my care provider does not have a working car.  It will cost a lot of money to get it fixed.  Someone has to come on Sundays and help me and she needs to depend on friends until she figures out what to do.  She has to work through the day until 5 every day.  that means I get no privacy and I have no time to myself.  We like each other but we are getting on each others nerves.  This new year is not starting well.  I am really trying to change my life but good things are not happening.  I need to breathe and handle one crisis at a time.  I am A LOT stronger than some people give me credit for and it should pay off for me sometime. 

Despite these setbacks, I am hopeful all will work out.  Prayers and suggestions are welcome.  Take care and work for what you want in life.   

Wow I did not realize

Wow I did not realize it has been this long since I wrote.  Its been almost a month.  The good news is I made it through the new year.  The bad news is I hate the way this year is starting.  I have not worked at all.  My care provider's car has died and even worse her man friend has died as well.  I feel bad for her but he has been ill for over a year.  She said he was ready to go and he went. 

Let's add another wrinkle to this mess.  It has been over 1 month since I had a working wheelchair.  I have been using a manual chair for over a month.  Gosh I hate it.and my last and biggest issue.is this guy. This is my four legged grand cat.  Just before Christmas he went out and got messed up some how.  I found a big hole in his chest and belly area.  I and my family put some anti biotic ointment on him.  After the new year we called a vet.  My cat was walking and eating and everything so I just wanted to check the wound and make sure it was not infected.  Turns out the vet said he was bitten by something.  Since we don't know what bit him and I was not able to get him in on the last rabies clinic.  I either have to quarantine him for 6 months, or put him down.  I chose the quarantine.  He has been in quarantine for three days now and it is hard on all of us.  My boy is angry and gets upset easily.  He is in a cage in the back room of my home.  You can imagine how he feels.  I just don't think he is sick and I am willing to wait out these 6 months to give him a chance at life.  Pray for him and me.  Take care

Just a note.

OK so I have been bad and not posting the way I wold like to.  This is a bad time of year for me too.  My Father passed away December 6, 2001.  It has been 10 years and I miss him every day,  I know He had his issues but he did love me and want the best for me.  I wonder what he thinks now that things are going better but I am still basically unemployed.  Is it hard for him to be proud of me now?  I really miss taking him to lunch on his birthday and watching him with my four legged children.  He doesn't know any of the ones I have now.  I miss you dad and love you.

On the upside of life, all Christmas presents have been ordered.  I have stayed within a decent budget this year with only immediate family and care providers getting gifts.  I am waiting for 2 to come in.  I had to order a lot online because my chair has finally had it and broke down about 3 weeks ago this Wednesday. I like ordering online because you get more choices.  I don't like ordering online because I hate to pay shipping costs for what I might be able to get here.  I also hate waiting for packages.  Especially for Christmases and Birthdays.  I always worry that they won't be in in time. I have a few more days before I really need to be concerned. I just wait and hope.

Living without a motorized chair has been the real challenge.  I am used to going where I want when I want. I actually had to give up a substitute job because I can't get out without help.  That is bad but there was really nothing I could do.   It's really frustrating when you have a chance to work and can't because you can't get there.  As a person diagnosed with depression, all of these challenges and issues build up and this time of year and I kick into survival mode.  But I'm still here.  I have a birthday coming up and I actually am looking foreword to it.  In any case,  That is what's up for now.  Catch up with everyone later and take care.

OK The race begins.

As you can read I survived Thanksgiving with my family.  I am still pretty pissed that the money was stolen.  I have had further bad luck in that my chair is severely broken.  It will probably take weeks to fix.  Luckily it seems that my insurance will cover all of this so I just need to wait.  I am not good at waiting.  I am impatient and really grouchy.  I do the best I can though.  Thank God I have a care provider.  With me not able to leave the house without help.  She has helped pay bills and been huge in making sure things get done.  I have paid my mortgage for this month despite the fact that my money was stolen.  I now need to pay my monthly bills and hope I have money left for Christmas. I will get a better idea what I will have as my regular bills get paid.  Honestly I expect it to be real close to breaking me.  Good things have happened to me before so I am hoping and praying good things will happen to me again.

What really makes me anxious is that I have a performance this weekend.  This is my big duet.  Epilepsy has promised to get me to most of the rehearsals left.  I just have to miss tonight.  To miss a rehearsal goes against everything I was taught.  Today I really have no choice.  I have spoken to my director.  He understands but is disappointed.  At least I will still be a part of the performance.  

My cat Minnie also refuses to come home.  I cannot protect her from the other cats as well in a push chair and need much more help.  So she is gone.  I am hoping I can get her back.  I'd hate to think of her not eating because I cannot get her.

These are the things that run through my head day and night,  Money Kitties Music other obligations,  all things that keep me awake.  So why is this titled The Race Begins and not not things that make me go

It's a race to see if my nerves will hold out long enough for me to pay my bills, perform my obligations and make it through Christmas before I have to be placed in a rubber room.  Wish me luck, take care. and please consider Avon

Still Angry

I got a call from the person who is stealing from me.  She told me taking money from that account was an honest mistake and she would pay me back.  She does not pay back money she owes often and I can honestly say I am not holding my breath that she will this time.  The problem is I KNOW taking this card was not an honest mistake.  IT WAS A CRIME!  I TOLD her not to take that card.  I TOLD her the only monies I have on that card go to the mortgage.  I am still so mad at this I could scream.  I want to have her arrested so bad.  I know it will cause more trouble than the money is worth.  She tells me she is my friend and I am her best friend.  What a load of  Bull CRAP!  No person would treat a friend like this.  I am angry at her. I am angry at her inconsideration.  She watched me struggle with all this homeowner mess and it took me almost 3 years to find a way out.  She knows how important it is for me to NOT default on this loan.  She just did not care.  She did not expect to get caught.  She is no friend of mine.

I have to be there with her over night for Thanksgiving.  I am going to hate it.  This is going to ruin Christmas too.  .I love Christmas with my family and all I can think of is this B took my money!  I know that we are supposed to forgive each other.  I honestly don't know if I can forgive her.  I would like to think I am a good person but I just don't know if I am that good.  I hate to think that I need to cut ties with my family but I just don't see any other way right now.  I will just have to stop asking them for their help with things.  It will cause a bit of a hardship but I may come out better in the end.  I wish I could post this where a million people will see it.  I need to get an idea what to do.  Should I go there for Christmas?   Should I begin to cut ties with my family?  What if it was just her and not him or them?  What do I do?  What a mess.  Anyway,  thoughts are appreciated.  Take Care

What about the people you know?

I told readers in a previous blog that someone close to me is stealing from me.  It started out with 20 or thirty dollars about 1 per month or so.  Maybe even a little less.  I hid my money so that this person would not be able to take any more from me.  Money is a lot of people's weakness.  I have needed money off and on in my life.  I certainly understand the pull to steal when you don't have it.  I thought if i removed the money the friendship could continue.  I have recently discovered that this person stole money from my account using my ATM card.  This money was being saved for my mortgage payment for December.  If you read my blog you have read about my struggles to stay in my home.  That Emergency Mortgage Assistance I got really bailed my butt out.  One of the requirements to getting the assistance loan is that you agree to give your portion of the mortgage payment by the first of every month.  THERE IS NO GRACE PERIOD.  If the money is not there I default on my loan and they stop helping me with the mortgage and I must PAY BACK everything that is owed.  In order for me to get the money there in time.  I save money from the month before.  So part of my disability money that I get for November goes to pay December's mortgage and so on.  This person took money from my payment for December.  I may not be able to earn enough money to replace it in time.  That means I will have to take out a pay day loan.  These are loans that are for small amounts of money that charge way too much interest.  While they have helped out in the past, I spend way too much paying them off.  I only use them in dire emergencies.

Crimes against people with disabilities are common.  In a 2007 Department of Justice report, People with disabilities are 1.5 times more likely to have crimes committed against them.  Since there are just reported crimes, I think the actual number is much higher.  As an advocate for people with disabilities, I would suggest that the victim of this crime do some very simple things.  Change her ATM Pin number or get a new card with a new pin.  I have opted to change my PIN number.  If this is person is in your home often, hide your valuables in a safe place and check your balances and monies often.   Consider reporting any theft to the local authorities.  I have hidden my money and my cards, changed my pin, I have my bank balances updated daily. (That is how I discovered this theft)  I have also notified the bank that this withdrawal was not authorized.  I would also tell the victim of this crime to consider not speaking or being around this person any longer.  In my case that will be difficult.  I believe the person who did this is close with my family.  If I have them arrested or pursue this matter, I may have to cut ties with my family.  I hate to do this especially around the holidays but I may have no choice.  I really do not want to go there for Thanksgiving.  I have about a week to make up my mind on that.  My my dad died in December.  I am now having financial issues.  It is important to me to share Christmas with my family.  I also hate the idea of being here alone.  I do know that I will not allow someone to take advantage of me to the point where I cannot keep a roof over my head or food on the table.  If I am pushed too far I will cut ties with my family.  I hope it does not come to that.  I hope you all are never put in this position and take care

Real Excited today.

It's getting closer and closer to my training day.  I am so happy something new is on the horizon.  I have spent so much time feeling down and upset about money issues this new opportunity is the spark I needed in my head so I did not give up.  I wonder what will be covered in the training?  Mostly how to do your time sheets and all.That is what the email hinted at.  It's really cool to know that something I got a degree in actually HELPED me here.  Sometimes I think that a degree can hurt more than it helps.  I have enough trouble with people not hiring me because I have an obvious disability.  I would be more of a hindrance than an asset.  Very few people will try to see past that to hire me.  I also have lots of problems because I have a degree.  I must be too smart to work at a small job and I am too much trouble to work at a big job.  So I am stuck.  I often feel frustrated and angry that seem to need to work but no one and I mean no one seems to see what talents I have to offer.  I keep getting put in a box.  Even when I worked as a disability advocate.  I had to do it their way.  I could only do what they wanted me to do the way they wanted me to do it.  I realize of course some of that is going to happen no matter what job you have.  Each person has to decide how to deal with the parts of the job that you don't like.  When you start feeling strangled and cornered it is not a good situation.  While I would not recommend that anyone do anything to get themselves fired, sometimes it does not matter as much how you leave as long as you leave.  I have now had a good two years to put my life together and I am ready put my skills to use.  I like the idea of teaching adults.  All the creativity without the stupid behavior.

I have some other news.  The solo list for choir came out.  I did not get a solo but I did get a duet.  I am OK with a duet.  In case there is a question, a duet is two  people singing,  I did not really get the song I wanted either.  I am OK with that too.  I really just want to sing as much as I possibly can.  This video is a version of my duet though mine is not quite this jazzy.  This one seems a bit more fun.  Take care