can you bielieve this

I have had one of those weeks today.  In three days from Saturday until now I have had a rough time.  My cat has broken my computer.  She knocked over my computer and broke the screen.  I need to turn in a time sheet from a substituting job.  This sheet is of course, in my computer.  I need to do taxes also found on my computer.  After a great day singing cheesy music from old musicals,  I come home to find a letter from my stupid a&4*hole mortgage company.  According to them, I have missed two payments on my mortgage.  My records say that I  have not missed any.  When you see the words Intent To Foreclose written on a letter you tend to panic.  I hope I don't have to go to court but I may have no choice.  Well I am writing this from my phone.  Don't wanna go over my data plan.  Take care

Thinking of my cat

While I'm sitting in bed at night I have a lot of anxious thoughts.  What if I never get a steady job again?  What if they stop helping with the mortgage before I get regular work?  If I die before the mortgage is paid will the house sit and rot?  Who will bury me?  who will care for my animals?  Will I ever feel content with my life?  (The answer to the last question is no by the way.  There is always something to work on or work towards.)  Most of these questions will stop when I take my pill for anxiety. If I don't want to medicate myself out of these thoughts all the time I consider Fat boy.

Through life's crazy set of circumstances my four legged grand son cat got bitten by and animal and has to be under quarantine for a total of 6 months.  He sits in a cage all the time.  Sometimes he cries for attention or to get his litter cleaned but basically he's still a happy boy.  I caught him playing with a ball in his cage the other day.  He doesn't even really try to escape any more.  He knows someone will be there to feed him and love him and clean his litter at least once a day.  Some might say this broke his spirit.  I don't think so.  I think he thinks "Okay. I'm in this crappy cage.  I don't know why but my human grandma says I gotta stay.  At least she comes by to feed me, change my litter and love me a bit.  Maybe I can deal with it."

I am learning to do the same.  No job?  right now I can deal with it.  Food stamps and other assistance has been a huge help and I have survived so far.  I am worried about my home.  Well I have paid all the payments I was supposed to so far and I am taking one month at a time.for now that is all I have. I don't really worry about my death I just worry about the animals and such I might leave behind.  I hope someone is there to love them . 

I don't always feel loved and supported these days.  I have no boyfriend or whatever and family is sporadic at best but I have learned from Fat boy Take what comes.  Fight when you have to hang in there and be patient Your time will come.  Take care.  

I have been looking into history lately.

There are a few eras in history I am particularly fascinated with.  I am fascinated with WWII and the holocaust and the internment of the Japanese.  I think about the murder of millions of people and the fact that many people knew or had a good idea what was going on and did nothing, while others risked their lives and some just did whatever they could. In the United States we placed people of Japanese decent into internment camps.  We may not have been as brazen to kill them.  We just housed them in upscale prisoner of war camps even though many of them were not soldiers or prisoners of any kind.  That was in the forties. 

Fast forward two decades and there are now struggles for racial equality.  Some people risked their lives.  Some people wanted things to remain the same.  Some people did what they could to support change.  On HBO there is a documentary called The Loving Story.  In this documentary an interracial married couple in Virginia challenges the laws that make interracial marriage illegal.  They challenged the law in the supreme court of the United States and won.   Now people of any race can marry each other.  This whole fight was started by writing a letter. 

We in the United States seem to like our prejudices.  Racial, ethnic, disability and sexual orientation it does not seem to matter someone is always less than someone else in someones eyes.  For those of us that truly hate this, we do not know what to do.  If the prejudice does not affect our group we do nothing.  I hope anyone reading this remembers that doing nothing gets us nowhere.  We cannot believe in the rights of one group over another if we believe in equality.  We may not all may not risk our lives.  Some of us can speak, some of us can write, most of us can vote.  If we fight for equality we fight for everyone any way we can.  Take care

There is always something new coming up

I am quite confused about something.  I have had a rescue button on my wrist for almost 7 years now.  I have shown the picture before.  It looks like this...

This button is there in case I have an emergency.  I have used it on sometimes.  It gives my family and I some peace of mind that someone can come quickly if I am sick or in trouble.  I recently got permission from the state for the people who manage my care to pay for this device.  Except they have not paid it yet.  I have called my case manager and heard nothing from him.  I know his mom was ill.  I hope nothing has happened.  By the same token what am I supposed to do here?  Do I pay it myself?  It is over 100 dollars and will take a big chunk of my money.  I may have no choice.  I don't need something else going to collections and I have been feeling as though things were getting better for me slowly but surely.  This would really put a damper on things.  I think the best thing for me to do here is to call DDA and find out if the lack of payment is due to this medicaid issue.  I have been trying to get reinstated on the medicaid waiver for some time now.  As of Friday, I have not been reinstated yet.  That may mean that the plan  that I make with Epilepsy every year is not valid.  If that is the case, he may not have to pay this bill yet.  Though I wish I had gotten some notice. 

These are the complicated parts of this disability system I hate so much but have to deal with.  The really scary part is that eventually I may lose my care provider.  If my care is paid for by this waiver and I don't have the waiver it could really cause problems.  Not to mention the fact that my care provider may be out of a job that she and I really need.  It's time for me to sit on the phone and find out my rights and tell someone off if need be.  If the changes in someones life are going to be this monumental,  Notice of those changes should be required.  I am so sick of this crap.  Wish me luck.  Take care 

Any given Sunday

On most Sundays people are home watching sports on TV.  I am watching TV and movies.  Most of the movies and things that I watch I don't even watch on TV.  I tend to watch them on computer.  I have been watching a show called Who do you think you are? It traces celebrity ancestry.  I know that the people are chosen ahead of the investigation on TV because their families are interesting.  I still like to watch the show.  I have tried to look into my own family a bit to see if anything interesting pops up.  I have not gotten very far.  The local Nabb research center in a local college in the area has lots of information on local people.  Neither side of my family is from this area.  (Thank God sometimes) I hear it's a good place to research local history.

My family is up set with me for what I wrote on my last blog.  I am sorry if they feel misrepresented.  It's not like they never help. They have done a lot.  But I do still feel that it might be more for the money than for other reasons.  This is my blog and these are my thoughts and feelings and I will not hide from them.  I have been asked not to contact them and I will respect their wishes.  My hope is that there is eventually some way to work this out.  If there isn't I am prepared to deal with that.  Families often have crazy fights for different reasons.  My family is no different.  A few members of my immediate family are on some kind of disability.  Those that are able to work are not able to find employment.  If we are working, we can only do so much.  This is a big part of this stress.  None of us like living on whatever government monies we get.  We all deal with it as best we can.  Fights are going to happen and that's it.  Spending time away from everyone may be what's  needed now.  I am finishing up the night with Funny Girl a soda, and a cuddle with the four legged children.  Not a bad day.  Take care

Not doing too well today

I have spent most of my day today dealing with four legged children.  My grand cat in kitty jail is still doing OK.  He demands a lot of attention.  Most of the attention is because he is lonely.  I understand that. I am lonely too.  That is one thing I really hate about this area.  Anyone worth my time is already taken.  I am not one of these women that goes from man to man looking for someone to take care of me and I won't settle for whoever is around so that I can have a man.  To top this, my care provider's boyfriend died and she already has someone interested in her.  I can't convince any guy I like to like me and I can't stand the men that like me.  Looks like I am going to be the crazy cat lady after all.

I am also beginning to wonder if my family is just coming to help me as just a source for money.  They said they wanted to come over and help with the cat and clean. They have not been here in about 5 or 6 days.  I told them I did not have much money.  They said whatever I could give was fine. I gave them 48 dollars.  This was supposed to buy cat litter, gas money and a coffee and bagel.  My family told me by the time they bought all the cat litter and the coffee and bagel and put gas in the car there wasn't enough money for them to get a coffee.  I got told off.  I got told that my family member was never coming back to help.  What could I do?  I told them I didn't have much money.  I said they could come back and I would give them money.  They could have called me and told me that they wanted a coffee and were running out of money.  I would have told them buy one smaller bag of litter.  This could have been worked out many different ways but it wasn't. Now they are mad and I am upset.People with disabilities often get taken advantage of.  I am not sure this is happening here but I don't like the odds.  Anyway that's all for now.  Hope my friends help me through Valentine's day.  If you are alone on this day e mail me.  We can commiserate together.

One Month out

 We are one month into our quarantine.  So far he is doing really well.  He is eating, sleeping and using the bathroom as normal.  He is lonely.  He cries when he is lonely.  If it is too bad, I have to go in and see what's up.  My family is cleaning his cage and I am managing his food and water thanks to some basic modifications.  The cage is not on the floor but up on an old refrigerator.  We are using an old door for a utility shelf.  This helps me handle his food and clean his litter without having to leave the room.  I am doing OK so far and my grand kitty is hanging in there.

My biggest issues right now is filling out more paperwork for stuff and hoping and praying I get a working chair soon.  I am skating by and I need to handle the rest of my own business as soon as possible.  It is really getting on my nerves.  Not to mention the fact that everyone is sick here.  My housemate decided to walk around sick for two weeks without seeing a doctor.  He does have basic insurance.  It would have covered this.  Now my brother is sick, my care provider is sick and I am headed there. 

I have to be out all day tomorrow.  I have an interview at a local college.  I have tried to teach there for years now.  I don't expect to get the job.  I want this opportunity to shake hands and meet people.  Maybe it will turn into something.  I sure hope so.  I am running a small temp now so I am going to finish watching a movie, visit my grand kitty and rest.  Take care